Introduction and Chapter Guide
This is my sixth attempt at writing about my life as a teenager and beyond. The life I led back then was peculiarly slippery. There were always plenty of opportunities for self improvement where pursuing the offers took that long that the improvement seemed like a backward step when done. I would be told that I was 'Too old' to be improved by what I pursued-it was meant to help younger people and the age appropriate improvement I should have chased was now unavailable. What I remember most from those times is how often what I was told to believe proved to be more opaque about peoples actions and intent than I could read as being at the time. My family disliked change and slowed down every natural change that growing up involves by mis-describing life for the young and making it a half life. My mission as a teenager was to try and find out who I actually was, as opposed to accepting who other people said I was. Nearly every time I guessed rightly who I was then other people,